I have some exciting news to share; the wait is over, and J & I have both gotten into the University of Toronto for next academic year! We’ll be waving goodbye to England for the best part of a year come September; I’ll miss its rolling hills, endless offerings of tea, and polite, bumbling ways, but I cannot wait to discover a whole new country; to engulf myself in the muse and mystery of travel once again. I’ve missed the intoxication of chaos; where new maps must be engrained into the mind, even in the electric excitement of a new place; and a new home must be found and cushioned and worn in; and new footprints must be left in new wilderness. New, I’ve missed you.
My last post, dot-to-dot, was partially inspired by this news. As soon as I heard, I could not stop wondering, planning, daydreaming, about all the wonderful new memories we will make in Canada. I always do this, but I’m learning the error of my ways – the error of incessantly looking forward rather than simply looking.
There is still so much to love about where we are now; I needed to stop planning ahead and focus, really focus, on all the wonderful things that are happening right now. And suddenly, happiness was not something I was reaching for and chasing, or tracing my mind around, it was right where I was standing.
We have a perfect little world here. The friends I have made in my first year at university are both rocks and rivers; they have always been there for me to hold on to tightly when I feel like the ground is moving too fast beneath me (although few know this), yet they also sweep me on, into new landscapes I did not know existed. They are also marvellously, intoxicatingly crazy.
Home will be missed too: families, the warmth of our houses, and our old friends – especially those friends who I miss so much already that I spend weekends smuggling into their universities, or smuggling them into mine. Christmas will be strange without parents, siblings, grandparents, but I will not think about that just yet. Plans will be made, adventures will happen, new friends will be met and new stories written.
Right now though, I’m stopping and admiring the view, appreciating what I’ve got, and keeping all my excitement safely nestled in a little box inside me: plans cannot escape from there, yet excitement is diffusing out and infecting every cell of my being.
September, you will be wonderful, but for now you can wait.
a few photos of life at this moment:
One extra little note. This blog is slowly evolving into something I had not planned. It was going to be a journal which I would update infrequently; only when I needed to clear my mind. My own creative writing is something I’ve never really shared with anybody before (apart from J), but in this anonymous setting, and with such a lovely response from other bloggers, I have decided my poems and other ramblings of the mind are safe here. In a way, they tell more of what is happening in my life than these little updates do, and also add my signature pinch of crazy. Isn’t it funny how we subconsciously sculpt little spaces for ourselves on the internet? Sometimes they look so different from our expectations.